Communication

It bums me out when I occasionally realize my feelings about certain things are very normal, very commonplace.  It makes me feel like my thoughts are nothing special or independent to my brain.

Then again, most times I think that I don't see the world the way most everyone else sees it.  That my problems and my thoughts and feelings are just not expressed very well, so that others believe my thoughts are the same as theirs because they can't understand what I'm really saying.  When I finally make a breakthrough in conveying my opinion or explanation of feeling towards one thing or another, I get that ever-so-original comment, "Tell us how you really feel!"

How incredible is that?  "Incredible" in a more literal sense.  Or is that un-credible?

People say they long for authenticity, but when they hear something that doesn't coincide with their line of thinking, they're uncomfortable.  They say things like, "Tell us how you really feel!" and sever whatever tie they may have been able to make by attempting to understand the outside perspective.  Not only does that person communicate that s/he thinks I'm being absurd, s/he completely isolates me in my opinion, validating the insecurities in my own thoughts.  People can be harsh.

I was recently told that when a person is unable to communicate what s/he is trying to say to someone else, the Communicator is the one with the problem.  It is often not the Recipient of the communication who is at fault.   For example, if I say something in Italian to someone who only speaks Russian, it's my fault for speaking Italian instead of Russian.   I thought that was an interesting way to think of it.

In this line of thinking, people who suffer being "misunderstood" are the ones at fault for that.  I can't believe this as blanket truth, though.  Sometimes the Recipient is stubborn and chooses not understand something that the Communicator is trying to convey.  The Recipient does this by shutting comprehension out entirely, thereby sabotaging his or her ability to understand.  S/he hears but is not listening.  I'm guilty of this.  I recently had a certain idea in my mind so completely, that when that thought was corrected and cleared up, I was still of my original mind, and unwilling to accept the truth.  That isn't the Communicator's fault.  It's mine.

[Nerdy-yet-clueless moment:  It is really hard to write in that perspective--one in which neither the reader nor the writer, nor any specific person or persons are involved.  Speaking in "ones" and "s/he" and whatnot . . .  I keep trying to slip into the habit of saying, "you do this, you do that."  This is technically incorrect, though, because using the word "you" in that context is telling the reader something about his or herself.  This isn't what I'm trying to do.  Is it okay to use "you" collectively, though?  That's how I'd mean it, but it just sounds like a 4th grade demonstration assignment.  "This is how you make a peanut butter sandwich."  The response to that would be "This is how I make a peanut butter sandwich?  Who are YOU to tell ME how I make a peanut butter sandwich?" and that isn't the intent of the original sentence.  Usually, to accompany this misuse of "you," the completely disagreeing use of "they" and "them" is used in place of a single, asexual person.  This probably isn't making sense.  It is entirely likely that YOU will not understand this paragraph, and that will be entirely my fault!]

Back to the topic.  I've really been aware of how pathetically I communicate with most everyone.  I think this is why I like to write.  I can type something ridiculous like, "The dinosaur footprint in my living room trips me up every time I walk in the front door," and then delete it.  No one has to see it.  I get to think of how I want to word what I'm trying to say, read over it to make sure it sounds right, wait a while and look at it again to make sure it still says what I want it to say, and then send it on.  Easy.  Cheating, right?  I guess not.  Writing is legit.

I just find myself talking to people and, based on their responses, I realize they really missed what I meant for them to understand.  This happens more often than not, it seems.  I usually let it go because chances are, I should have just kept my mouth closed.  Though, if it's a terrible misunderstanding, I'll try to fix it.

I just typed that and I'm mostly lying.  That last bit made it sound like it's no skin off my back if someone misunderstands me.  I usually do let it go but it's not without great effort, and plenty of anxiety because now that person has the wrong idea.  I know it, but that person doesn't.

I think my sitting up in bed typing is bothering Marcus, who has to get up at the most ungodly hour of 1:45 tomorrow morning.  Peak season at UPS!

With that, I'll say goodnight.